I'm Sorry But I Can't
by GreysAddict2013
Summary: Oneshot, it has been 12 months since Erin joined the task force, 11 months since theydecided to cool it, and 6 months since they had gotten back together.


**So my school semester is FINALLY over, and I'm headed home for the summer. Sorry I haven't written this week, between my 3 exams and the lab practical my time has been spent with my head buried in a textbook all week. Well enjoy this one. If you have any prompts that you want written feel free to message me! Remember always review. I love hearing what you guys think.**

Erin stood in awe at the door that had just slammed shut minutes ago. Was it minutes or hours? She didn't know how long she was standing there. Jay had just told her they were done, without any warning. A tear slowly fell from her eye. She turned around and slid down the door. Six months, they had been together officially, for six months. He left, picked up everything he could carry, and he left her apartment.

*TWO HOURS EARLIER*

"You know, it's been six months," Jay mentioned as he held Erin in his arms. At 10:00 after a very hard day at work they laid in bed. Clothes were discarded the second Erin had food in her stomach. Erin looked up to him as he rubbed her bare back.

"It is isn't it?" She smiled. "Six months flew by," she watched him nod.

"It did. But I do believe that we've been together for a lot longer," she raised her eyebrows at Jay. "If you include the month of the task force, and sneaking around. Then add on the entire time we were apart, but not really apart. I believe it's close to a year," Erin watched as Jay smiled as he recalled the last year. "You know, it has been 1 year exactly since your first day at the task force."

"Hmmm really? That means if were including all of our 'cooling it off' then it's been a year I believe," Jay leaned down to kiss her. She responded by crawling on top of him.

"You're sexy, you know that?" Jay watched Erin bite her lip and nod. "Marry me?" Jay watched as Erin's face fell.

"Jay…" Erin tried to speak, but no words escaped her lips. She sat in silence and stared at his face. A minute ago he was smiling. Now sweat drips down his forehead, his hands shaking, his eye questioning. He was serious.

"I'm serious Erin. I love you. I'm in love with you. Every day I spend thinking about you. You're the air I breathe, and every day I wake up happy it's you laying next to me," Jay's worriedness growing as she sits there just staring at him.

"Jay we're in bed. You can't just sleep with a girl, and then propose. Isn't is supposed to be a grand gesture?" Erin asked.

"I didn't just sleep with you Er, we made love, in the darkness of the night. If you want I'll plan some grand gesture and I'll do it all again. Just please, marry me?" Erin finally broke eye contact. She didn't want to look at him when she answered his question.

"You don't want me as a wife Jay. I'm not wife or mother material. You want kids. That's all you've talked about with your future. I can't give you what you want," a tear slowly made it's way down her face. She finally stood and grabbed her shorts and a tank top.

"I don't care about that Er, I just want you," he stood and walked over to where she stood. "I just want you," he repeated as he lifted her chin to look at him. Another tear fell as he took his thumb and wiped the tear off her face. "Listen to me Er. You're a beautiful and amazing human being. Your heart is bigger than anyone I have ever met. You might not think you're capable of a long, future oriented, loving relationship. But I know you are Erin Lindsay, because I know you better than you know yourself," he smiled up at her.

"I can't Jay. You're too good of a person to love someone who can't give you what you want. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you," she wiped another tear from her eye. She watched Jay pull his clothes on, grab his toothbrush from the bathroom, and walk out towards the front door.

"Was this all some kind of game to you?" He turned around and looked into her eyes. The gentleness of his eyes erased, and turned stone cold. He no longer had the love and tenderness in his voice or eyes.

"Of course not Jay. I like you, you're my best friend," she took a step towards him and he took a step back.

"I'll see you Erin," Jay opened the door with his free hand and walked out the door.

She still sat on the floor when she heard keys jingle outside her door, the signal that Nadia was home from the library. She and Jay were usually in her room before Nadia got home. She stood and walked into the kitchen. She popped open a beer and rested her elbows on the counter.

"Erin?" Nadia opened the door realizing all the lights were still on. "Are you still up?" Erin heard the drop of Nadia's backpack and the quiet footsteps walking towards her. But she stared at the tip of the beer bottle. "There you are. Where's Jay?" Nadia mentioned and she heard a quiet sob escape Erin's lips. Nadia inched closer as Erin pulled her head up to look in Nadia's direction. "What did that asshole do?" Nadia screamed as she saw the swollen, red-rimmed eyes on her face.

"That asshole proposed," another tear fell from her eye.

"Hunny? Usually people don't cry when their boyfriends propose. I mean they do, but it's usually happy tears. Those don't look like happy tears," Nadia rubbed Erin's back.

"That's because they're not happy tears. I can't be a wife Nadia. I'm not cut out for it," Erin sobbed louder this time. Nadia led her to the couch and pulled her in closer.

"That boy loves you. You guys are that perfect disgusting couple single people gawk at. You would make the perfect wife and mother. A wife is a girlfriend with a ring on her finger. Well and living with the guy, but Halstead was basically already living here anyway," Nadia explained as Erin cried on her shoulder.

"I still haven't told him I loved him. He said it the second week we got back together, and the only thing I have been able to respond to was me too," Erin sat up and wiped the tears with her shirt. "Thanks for the pep talk and all, but I think I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning," Erin stood and walked into her room. She closed the door and fell onto her bed hugging the pillow Jay had just left.

Nadia stood by her door and heart the gut wrenching sobs. She knocked softly, "Er, if you keep crying you're going to make yourself sick." Nadia heard footsteps run towards the ensuite bathroom. She opened the door and walked towards Erin who was leaning over the toilet. "You need to go to Halstead and tell that boy you love him," Nadia reasoned as she pulled Erin's hair back. She watched Erin nod her head and lean back against the wall.

"You're right," Erin sighed. She stood and brushed her teeth. She pulled on a large sweatshirt and walked out her door. She drove the 10 minutes to Jay's apartment and slowly got out. She walked up the steps until she reached his door. She knocked softly, when he didn't answer she knocked a little louder. This time hearing footsteps reach the door. Slowly it slung open to reveal a tall lanky blonde in a t-shirt and booty shorts. "Is… Um… Is Jay here?" Erin eyed the girl. She heard Jay behind her in his boxers. Erin stared into his face and slowly turned to walk down the stairs. Her walk slowly became a run when she realized he was calling her name.

"Erin? Erin?" Jay screamed as he followed her outside towards her car. He leaned against the door preventing her access. "It's not what it looks like," Jay explained as Erin scoffed.

"How long?" Erin asked as tears flowed from her eyes.

"How long what?" Jay eyed her curiously.

"How long have you been cheating on me? God I'm so stupid. I drove here in the middle of the night to fix what I broke a couple hours ago, and you've already moved on," Erin sighed. "Now get out of my way Jay Halstead and save me more embarrassment," she commanded.

"She's my sister Erin. She's been here since Wednesday. She found her husband cheating on her so she's crashing in my bedroom, since I spend most time at your place anyway. Well spent most time, anyway," Jay's face fell.

"You never mentioned you had a sister," Erin eyed him curiously.

"We don't talk much. She's still angry that I left for the army and left my mom in the condition I did," he sighed again. She shivered. "Can we talk about this inside? I'm in boxers and I'm freezing, and you're cold."

"I'm not cold," Erin pulled the sleeves around her hands.

"Yeah, you're cold. Let's just take this argument, or whatever it is inside," Jay led her up to his apartment.

"So your sister?" Erin asked as Jay opened the door to his apartment.

"My sister Erin," Jay breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry I freaked out earlier," she sighed as she sat on his couch. "About the proposal I mean. You and I scare me. To be honest you are the longest relationship I have ever had, including friends and parents. Well, aside from Voight. But I've never done this. Any of this. You leaving tonight made me realize just how much I actually love you," another tear fell from her face.

"Say that again," Jay requested.

"I love you Jay. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it," Jay leaned down and kissed her.

"I'm sorry I sprung marriage on you. We don't have to get married, ever."

"Damn, I was really hoping for an elaborate marriage proposal. An abundance of lilly's and chocolate, and a romantic dinner," she smiled at him.

"That's something I can try to accomplish," Jay's smile grew larger. Erin leaned in closer.

"This time I'll say yes," she whispered in his ear. Jay pulled Erin onto his lap and crushed his lips to hers. Suddenly they heard someone clear their throat from the doorway.

"Um, sorry to bother you two. Cause something major just happened. But I wanted to say hi, I'm Alex. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I had to introduce myself before Jay kicks me out and I don't get to meet you," Alex smiled at her and stuck out her hand. Erin took the hand and smiled.

"Yeah, this guy enjoys family as much as I do," Erin heard Jay laugh.

"I like my family, just not all of the time. But you, you're family is insane and always getting into trouble," he smiled.

"Exactly, I have a reason to dislike my family. However, your sister and brother are nice people," Erin smiled.

"Well Alex, now that you've met Erin, we are going to go back to her place. Enjoy the quiet," Jay smiled at Alex and stood taking Erin with him.

"It was nice to meet you Alex," Jay pulled her towards the door. "Jay? You forgetting something?" Jay looked down.

"I'll be right back," Erin laughed.

"I'm sorry about your husband," Erin looked towards Alex. She sighed.

"Yeah, son of a bitch couldn't handle the lawyer type," Alex smiled. It's been a long time coming. I just didn't realize it until now. Erin nodded her head. Jay walked out of his room and grabbed Erin's arm.

"I'll see you around," Erin yelled as she was pulled out of the door and towards her car. "You're antsy," Erin pointed out.

"I'm just glad that I get to sleep next to you tonight. When I was laying in bed, well the couch, all I wanted was for you to be next to me," Jay smiled. "And now I get it," Jay led her up her stairs and into her darkened apartment.

"You're a good guy, and I'm sorry I didn't accept your proposal 4 hours ago," Jay leaned down and captured Erin's mouth with his own. He picked her up and carried her to her bedroom.

"No more apologizing. How about we just pretend the past four hours didn't happen?" Erin nodded. "But I do have something for you. I didn't get a chance to give it to you before," Jay pulled out a black velvet box. "I know you said you wanted a grand gesture, and I'll do it. But I want to be able to call you my fiancé. This wasn't some random thing I blurted out. I've been planning it for a couple weeks," Jay opened the box and Erin stared down at the ring inside the box.

"I guess I can wear it now. But don't think I'll forget about that grand gesture," Erin smiled as she leaned down and kissed Jay. He took the ring out of the box and slipped it on Erin's left ring finger. "It's beautiful Jay. I love it. How did you get my ring size? I don't own any rings," she smiled.

"I asked Nadia to get it. Apparently you two went shopping and tried on a bunch of rings," he laughed.

"That's why she kept putting more and more rings on my finger," Erin laughed as she laid her head on Jay's chest. "I love you Jay Halstead," she kissed his chest above his heart and laid back down.

"I love you too Erin Lindsay," Jay kissed her forehead.


End file.
